Going to Lamar’s Live event last night was quite an eventful and rejuvenating experience. It felt so natural, maybe deja vu even?! I felt like I was supposed to be there and that there was a reason behind it. And I totally know that reason and I’ll get to that in a bit but prior to me going I was at home trying to visualize what would take place. Without disappointment I over-estimated the kind of even I was going to. When I heard Lamar “LIVE” I was seeing big screens, loud speakers with surround sound, a big glorifying production. And you know what that was my fault because lately I’ve been too into my imagination. Everything I see is BIG and overly done, and magical. But Lamar wasn’t too far off, that outfit he had on was spectacular! I wanted to secretly take him in the back strip off all his clothes and come back out with a new ensemble! (that would have been awkward….) Anyways. So the atmosphere in the room was quiet, cozy (although it was a little hot in there) and very informal and free from distractions.
It was only a few weeks ago I was writing in my prayer journal about my dreams and goals and I wrote that I wanted a group of people with very creative and caring minds to come together and work at changing the world. And at the event I couldn’t help but think if that was the beginning of it? Or was that the information I needed? Was that suppose to inspire me to go out and start making it happen. SO my mind was racing everywhere.
I don’t know this means, am I suppose to start, or wait? Because somethings said last night had me going WTF because I was asking myself the same questions. Shouldn’t I help myself first before I can begin to help someone else? I know I have lots of knowledge and I have a way of putting people at ease. I know how to deal with depression, loneliness, anger, and confusion but I have some of these issues. So is it even right to try to work out someone else’s problems when I haven’t fully worked out mine? That is a selfless thing for me to do but I don’t know how to deal with the guilt or shame of my own issues. That left me wondering is there a way to help myself and others at the same time?I feel that the time I am taking to work on myself is time that I could be saving someone else and TIME is just not a good friend of mine. What if I am working on more than myself but taking on other problems, will I be over exhausting myself? And is that even the right thing to do? Ugh hell, what is the right thing to do? My heart is in the right place but my head is everywhere. I must figure this out and figure it out soon!
Oh yea and I did tell a slight lie when I said it was free from distractions, Sikita was there and her spirit was LIVE, she was LIVE and out of control. SHOUTOUT SISTAH!!